No Match
by ptahaegyptus2
Summary: Elsa engages in a negotiation with Sven regarding a certain habit regarding the consumption of carrots. Seeds of Kristelsa. One-shot.


**Author's note: I found a few typos and inserted some section breaks to make the story flow better. Also, adding this disclaimer that the awesome movie _Frozen_ and its characters are the intellectual property of the Disney Company. **

"Hello Sven?"

Sven, Kristoff's childhood friend, pulled off another hunk of delicious hay from the manger and lazily chewed it as he turned his head to eye the newcomer to his section of the stables.

He snorted, startled, for the woman was dressed in dark and light blues, with hints of purple edging from the short cape she wore over her shoulders. Her hair was a light blonde, almost white, with no loose braids, and had a small tiara perched on her head

The woman glanced down at the floor of the stable, made a face, lifted her foot, and waved at it.

An elegant woman's boot of blue ice with snow-flake edging appeared on the foot. She set it down and lifted her other foot to create a matching set.

She walked over to Sven's ample stall, looking up at his antlers, "Well, there's no mistaking such a fine looking fellow like you from among the others!" she said appreciatively as her cerulean blue eyes ranged up and down the height of the now-attentive reindeer from antler-tip to the wide hooves, "oh!" she coughed politely, "Ahem! I am Queen Elsa of Arendelle, and I presume you are Sven, the reindeer companion of Kristoff Bjorgman?"

Sven regarded the Queen for a second, then dipped his head, barely missing the Queen with an antler tip.

Elsa nodded back regally, "Pleased to meet you, and my apologies for not being initially aware of how exceptional a reindeer you are. I have heard about you and Kristoff indirectly through my sister, the Princess Anna, and we briefly met while going to my Ice Palace recently." she bent over and held the snowflake medal hanging around Sven's neck, "I trust that you like the position of reindeer to the official Arendelle Ice Master and Deliverer?" she inquired, releasing the medal and stepping aside lightly as Sven dipped his head again.

"Excellent!" she said, "My purpose for here is to negotiate a change in a habit that Princess Anna finds..." she paused as she reached into a bag slung at her side, "...disgusting."

She produced a carrot from the bag and waved it in front of Sven, smiling at the reindeer's enthusiasm that showed a complete lack of knowledge regarding the art of bargaining, "ah ah!" she tisked, whisking the carrot away from the eager jaws that snapped at it, only to slowly pass it longways under Sven's feverishly pulsating nostrils, "We negotiate an agreement first!" adding a wave of the free index finger on her other hand to emphasize her point.

Sven panted and slobbered, tongue hanging out, and nodding twice.

"_Oh, if Merovia was as easy to read!_" Elsa thought. Aloud, she said, "I desire a small change in the carrot-eating ritual between you and Kristoff."

Sven snorted, startled again, and looked at the Queen, blinking his eyes.

"Could you pleeeze let Kristoff bite the carrot first?" The Queen of Arendelle asked enticingly, waving the carrot from its base between her thumb and forefinger like a metronome going at 30 beats a minute, "I can imagine how such an arrangement came about, with Kristoff caring about you so much, he wanted to make sure you ate first. I find that extremely darling and sweet of him, as I am sure you do too." she said, eyes suddenly becoming distant and unfocussed. The carrot between her fingers stopped ticking time.

Sven paused from following the tip of the carrot with his eyes to nod at the Queen. He then noted the look in her eyes and raised his eyebrows.

Elsa's eyes snapped back to the present, and she saw Sven with a knowing look in his eye. The carrot in her hand dropped 90 degrees so the tip pointed at Sven.

Sven held his raised eyebrow.

Elsa wriggled the carrot, jumping when Sven snapped at it, gave a silly grin, and left the other half of the carrot in her fingers as he chewed the half he had bitten off, a knowing look in his eye.

The Queen blushed slightly, then held the carrot downwards and pointed at the reindeer saliva dripping from it, "However, if you think I will eat this carrot, with THAT on it, well Sven Bjorgman, you are sorely mistaken!" she dropped the carrot like it was a turd. Sven's eyes followed the carrot down, but he didn't go after it, "And you should believe that I will not-Er ANNA will not-" she blushed a shade deeper which, given her naturally alabaster pale complexion, made her look redder than the legendary Apple of Snow White, "-egh-KISS a mouth that has eaten THAT."

Sven's other eyebrow went up. He nodded his head once, then dropped the other eyebrow.

"Now..." Elsa reached back into the bag and pulled out another carrot, "..I understand that that half the carrot is the tastier part of it, so there is another method to accomplish OUR end." she said. She showed Sven the carrot, then snapped it in half, and held out her palm, the half with the tip of the carrot on it. She dipped her head to lock eyes with the reindeer, then lowered her palm to let him eat it. She lifted her hand and flicked it, then wiped it on the bag, "You do that, and I will arrange for an extra two carrots to find their way into your belly every day. Agreed?" she said.

Sven huffed and nodded.

"Excellent!" Elsa folded her hands and inclined her head toward Sven. She turned to leave, but stopped half-way to the door, "Oh Sven?" she asked, turning her head to eye him.

His head came up from looking for the dropped carrot.

"That bit about me... and Kristoff..." she turned back to face the reindeer, "If that comes out, while he and Anna are still together, then rest assured, I will have you GELDED within a fortnight, with no warning as to WHICH night it will be done. Understood?"

Sven's eyes bugged. His hind hooves went forward, making him sit down in the straw heavily. He then pulled his front hooves back to protect the assets so Royally threatened.

Elsa inclined her head regally, "Have a nice afternoon." she smirked as she turned and left, dissolving the ice boots the moment she stepped into the courtyard with a wave of her right hand.

Sven's front hooves shot out forwards, and he dropped full length onto the straw, blinking at what had transpired.

His nostrils sniffed mightily.

He dug into the straw and found the carrot.

Anna and Kristoff laughed as they walked across the bridge from town and through the open gates, Kristoff carrying the bags from Anna's shopping trip, "Oh Kristoff! That was great!" Anna gushed, "Thanks SO much for helping me with my shopping today!"

"You're welcome!" Kristoff began sorting through the bags, "Here, this is mine-" He put one bag down.

Sven poked his head out the stable doors upon hearing Kristoff's voice.

"Hey good buddy!" Kristoff called to Sven when he saw him.

Sven looked at him with one eye, raising an eyebrow.

"Where have YOU been?" Kristoff mimicked as he strode over to his friend, "We've been to the market, doing some shopping! Got something for you!"

Anna stood with her bags in her hands, biting her lip and cringing inwardly as Sven began to hop on his front legs.

"Oh goody goody! What did you get me?" Kristoff mimicked, "THIS!" he whipped out a carrot and held it out.

Sven opened his mouth, then stopped.

"You go first." Kristoff mimicked, "Wait. WHAT?" he asked, taken aback, "But the tip is your favorite!"

Sven glanced at Anna, then up and over Kristoff's right shoulder, then back at Kristoff.

"Then snap it in half and give me the better part, buddy." Kristoff mimicked, "NOW WAIT A MINUTE! WHERE DID THAT COME FROM?" Kristoff exclaimed loudly, waving his arms.

Sven's eyes darted back to up and over Kristoff's right shoulder. Kristoff looked behind him, and caught sight of a whirl of blue, purple, and blonde/white stepping quickly away from a third floor window that opened into a balcony overlooking the courtyard. He looked back at Sven, "Oh, yeah? Okay."

Kristoff snapped the carrot in half and chewed on the stump end while Sven vacuumed up the tip end from his palm. He then turned to walk back to Anna, looking bewildered.

"What happened?" Anna asked, knowing full well what had happened, but wanted Kristoff's view of what had happened.

"Somebody got to Sven. He wants me to eat the carrot first, or snap it in half." He looked at Anna.

"Don't look at me!" Anna replied to the unspoken accusation.

"You stand more to gain from it!" Kristoff said.

"And when did I have time to do it? Huh? When?" Anna replied mock huffingly, making sure Kristoff caught the playful tone in her voice.

"Yeah, you're right." Kristoff admitted, scratching his head and glancing back at that certain third floor window, "Well, I gotta go to a dinner meeting of the Ice Men tonight, so I'd better get ready." he looked at Anna, who was looking at him expectantly.

For a change.

He smiled, wrapped Anna in a hug, and kissed her.

Her response was the best he'd received in a long time.

_"No. YOU'RE no match for Elsa."_

Elsa composed herself in the middle of the corridor between her room and the window, shaking, remembering the bitter tone in which Anna had told her how Hans had acted when he left her to die in the locked, cold sitting room.

And what he had said.

_"No. YOU'RE no match for Elsa."_

The compliment of an enemy, and probably one of the few truths he had uttered during what was now being called Summer's Winter.

It had been a wild lark, something utterly CRAZY, though not as crazy as marrying a man she'd just met, when she decided to "negotiate" with Sven for that change in the habit that Anna had so detested. The thought of negotiating with a reindeer made a funny contrast to the dread she was feeling with the first negotiations of her reign being with Merovia, a kingdom with a fierce reputation for driving hard bargains, and thus eager to be the first to test out, and wring favorable concessions from, a young and inexperienced Queen before she grew wiser.

But she realized that the feeling of dread wasn't only confined to Merovia, despite all the intelligence gathered for her by her own intelligence service and that of Corona and Arendelle's other allies, and despite all the memorized data of Arendelle's trade with the top 90% of partners at the fingertips of her nearly perfect memory.

There was now someone who _knew_ of her secret desire.

Her secret despair.

Elsa bent her head and covered her face with her hands.

It had started innocently enough, when she asked Kristoff to take her and Anna back to her Ice Palace in his new sled to effect repairs and retrieve her crown from Marshmallow. She had only seen him being protective of Anna, and felt guilty with her anxiously dismissive "Who is this? Wait, it doesn't matter!", when the realization that he _had paid attention_ to what she said, and _had wanted to do_ what she had asked, coming to her as they conversed in the sled ride to North Mountain. In hindsight, it was probably good that nobody listened to her or did what she wanted. But she should have been grateful for the respect his effort implied.

The uneasy realization turned to the oddest mix of joy and despair that she had never felt before at the look of awe, no _reverence_, on Kristoff's face as he pulled up in front of her Ice Palace, as he paused to gaze at it, as he marveled at the ice in her stairs, on her floors, on the fountain, in the walls.

Joy. Because she had finally found someone who loved her magic _for itself_.

And despair. Because that someone, whom she knew she could come to love more than life itself, belonged to the one whom she already loved more than life itself.

The one who was no match for Elsa.

That realization had only gotten more sure and unalterable as he raved like an impassioned madman at the beauty of her repairs to her Ice Palace. At the rage in his eyes as he looked at the ruins of her chandelier as she described how it nearly killed her, allowing her capture by Hans.

She had just _pretended_ to believe that Sven knew.

But actions speak louder than words, and when she saw Sven carry out his side of the bargain they had struck, she had to stop pretending in the harsh light of knowing.

Elsa inhaled and shook her head, trying to clear it. Trying to grind down the intense temptation to just merely _try_ to attract Kristoff from Anna. With a look a moment or two longer than proper, or a strategically placed touch on his shoulder held a few seconds longer than necessary. Now she had to contend with the temptation to drop a hint to Sven to drop a hint to Kristoff.

_Sven. Sven KNEW._

SVEN!

Suddenly, she laughed, long and loud, when she realized that she had just concluded a successful negotiation with the member _of another species_!

Who else on earth could boast of _that_?

She began walking down the corridor, waving her hand.

A flame of bright white ate at the hem of her dress, dancing over the rosemailing before transforming the material, coursing up her body, up each arm that she held out one after the other, finishing with a flick of her hand behind her to re-create her cape.

"KAI!" she shouted.

"Yes Your M-" Kai skidded to a halt at the sight of The Snow Queen tearing her bun apart and pulling her braid over her left shoulder, "-Majesty?" he finished.

"Tell the Moravian Ambassador and his assistants that I am ready to begin negotiations." she said, "Call my trade advisor and any assistants he recommends as well!"

"Of course! Immediately!" Kai bowed and left, grinning from ear to ear at the sight and sound of his revitalized Queen.

Balls. Full of courtiers. Each one trying for HER, then trying for Anna, each thinking she was interested in no one, when the truth was that she was interested in _only_ one, and could never desire another if she could not have _him_. Princes, dukes, and barons to turn Anna's head away from Kristoff, to drop casual remarks that would eat away at her affections for him.

He would be hurt at first, from the rejection, but that would be the hurt of a kindred spirit, that she _knew_ she could relieve.

Once he was _hers._

_"No."_ Elsa thought, smiling, as she turned the corner and swept down the main hall toward where the negotiations would take place, her dress and train sparkling like the snow-covered sides of the North Mountain in high Summer, _"YOU'RE no match for Elsa!"_


End file.
